The Catholic Leader - 21 April 2019 - Issue 5548

16 / 28

16
The Catholic Leader, April 21, 2019
Family + Faith
Francine and Byron Pirola are the co-
authors of the SmartLoving series. Visit
for information.
by francine and byron
pirola
EASTER Sunday is the greatest celebration in
the Christian calendar because we celebrate the
triumph of Christ’s redemption of humanity.
We celebrate this day as an important day in our faith traditions
and our churches are full, but we realised this week that we had
never stopped to think what does this mean for those like us who
have chosen marriage as our vocation – what do we take from the
Easter message into our own relationship?
Several years ago, we were invited onto a TV breakfast show
to talk about marriage. We are all familiar with the format; people
interviewed on couches with a polite live studio audience.
It’s light and airy entertainment; sort of fairy floss for the mind.
An interesting question was posed by one of the hosts: “do you
think every marriage can be saved?”
It was a bit of a loaded question, posed by a high-profile celebrity
who we knew had been twice married and divorced.
We gave what we thought was a balanced and considered answer
at the time, but interestingly our short slot never actually went to air.
Byron says it’s because he has a face for radio, but perhaps the
answer was a bit too close to the bone.
It is a good question.
We know from Church teaching and pastoral experience, there
are always some cases where people who marry are not truly able to
make a full commitment to the marriage vows, in spite of their best
intentions at the time.
These things emerge later during the annulment process once the
marriage has “failed”, or more properly, coming to a recognition
that it was incomplete from the start.
The Church in her wisdom and mercy recognises this possibility
and deals with it through the annulment process.
But that’s not the norm.
Most marriages today fail, not because they were somehow un-
able to be fully entered into, but rather because we neglect them and
then give up when the consequences of years of neglect overwhelms
us.
It’s a bit like a garden that has been left unattended for years.
Eventually you feel overwhelmed by the weeds and mess and
decide it’s better just clear it out and start again.
Easter Sunday is a great beacon for us married Catholics, because
it reminds us there is always redemption and resurrection.
Easter gives us hope.
Christ’s passion and resurrection is the ultimate redemption for
all human kind, and it models to us what we are called to do in our
own marriage vocation.
In our imperfect humanity, as a husband and wife, we come into
our marriage with our inevitable flaws and weaknesses and, as a
result, at times, treat each other in ways that can only be described
as sinful.
That’s the reality of the human condition, and that is no surprise
to us when we look at our own marriage.
And yes, it hurts, both the small daily disappointments and the
occasional bigger failures.
But unless we tend to our marriage like we tend to a beloved gar-
den, then we implicitly accept that we will live with the accumulat-
ing cost of these small daily misadventures.
The reminder from Easter is that we are not called to live in a
state of disrepair and disfunction.
That is not God’s desire for our marriage and Easter reminds us
that is not where we must reside.
Resting in this state is not why Christ sacrificed his life to redeem
us.
We were born for, and called to, much greater things than that.
The reality is that as a married couple, we are faced with two
fundamental choices every day, every month, every year and in very
season of our marriage.
To wilfully choose to proactively live our marriage as our vows
invited, or reactively “go with the flow” and let the process of being
married dictate the outcome.
The cumulative effect of living under those two choices are pro-
found, and if we recall the garden analogy then it should be obvious.
So, Easter Sunday is a vital feast day for married couples.
It reminds us that nothing is too big, too overwhelming for God.
Bulldozing the garden is not the inevitable outcome.
All marriages follow the Lenten journey; the triumph of Palm
Sunday, the fear of the Garden of Gethsemane, the hopelessness of
the crucifixion and the joy of the resurrection.
If we reflect on it, we see can this in everything from the daily
cycle through to the whole of life cycle of our marriage.
Easter Sunday is a beacon that reminds us that even in our darkest
moments there is the promise of resurrection – if we choose to hold
on to hope.
Without hope we become, well, hopeless, and then helpless. That
is not the Christian promise and it’s not the Christian way.
And our answer to our morning show host? It was along these
lines: “no, not every marriage can be saved.
Some were impossible from the start, but many, many more
could be saved if we took a more wilful and intentional approach to
our marriage; perhaps like we do to our jobs and our health.
The key is to hold on to hope as without hope we give up.
And remember, all things are possible are with God.
Resurrecting our marriages
Failures: Most marriages today fail, not because they were somehow unable to be fully entered into, but rather because we neglect
them and then give up when the consequences of years of neglect overwhelms us.
But unless we tend to
our marriage like we
tend to a beloved garden,
then we implicitly accept
that we will live with the
accumulating cost of
these small daily
misadventures.